Entertainment

Some funny, entertainment stuff are discussed here.

Secret of Married Life

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"
Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples" Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"
Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

Kids too much

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

”Hello?”

”Is your daddy home?” he asked.

”Yes,” whispered the small voice.

”May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mummy there?”
”Yes.”

”May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, ”Is anybody else there?”

”Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ”May I speak with the policeman?”

”No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.

”Busy doing what?”

”Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

”A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.

”What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

”ME.”

Rules - Interesting

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:

Raman: Narayan, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.

Narayan: oh!

Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?

Narayan: No

Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:

Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?

Narayan: No

Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?

Narayan: No

Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?

Raman: No

Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know."

"Rule: There is 'some thing' important in life than Work and General Knowledge."

Women and their Wish

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get Ten times of that The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack!!"

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you, Stop here and continue feeling good…..

Male readers: Please scroll down

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this, it only goes to show that women never listen!!! that is why you read it even after our advise to stop!

Kids Think Quick

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
___
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is…
TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right… "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
___

Newtons Laws which he forgot to state

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold..

Some Logical Thoughts and Statements

Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
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To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
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The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
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Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
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In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.
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All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
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Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
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Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
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If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
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You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
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Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
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42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.
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As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
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He who has the gold, makes the rules —— Murphy's golden rule.
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If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
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Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
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When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
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If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.
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Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance. :)
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You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
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The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
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After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
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If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight. :)
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Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker :)
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Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
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There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
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An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
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Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
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Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
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When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
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Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
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Well done is better than well said .
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Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
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Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.
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Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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Pandu and Kitta

Once Pandu goes to Kitta's house and knocks the door.

Kitta: "Kaun ???"

Pandu: "Main"

Kitta: " 'Main' Kaun ???"

Pandu: "Kitta !!!!!"

5 reasons why children are adorable

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Judge Vs Teacher

In the traffic court a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes.

"You're a school teacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a school teacher in this court.

Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!"

Peanuts - Interesting

Shared by Senthamarai Viswanathan on 17th July 2009, Friday.

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady - "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks - "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied - "We just love the chocolate around them."

Corporate Lesson - Gather all requirements clearly

Shared by Viji R on 27 July 2009 Monday 7 07 PM IST

CORPORATE LESSON #

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door of the first house in the street. A lady answered the door, but before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house…" said the lady.

MORAL OF THE STORY

ü Gather all requirements and resources before working on any project and committing to the client…!!!

Typical Mom

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Ma, I'm going to bring over
3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The mother replies,

….

…..

….

….

….

….

….

…..

….

….

….

….

….

….
"I don't like her"

Some PJs (Poor Jokes)

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?
A: Because it's two tired!

Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in front of all those people!

Q:What's the biggest ant in the world?
A:Eleph-ant! (Courtesy: http://www.coderanch.com/t/467549/Meaningless-Drivel/Jokes-English)

Life is Like That (Girl Vs Security Guard)

Shared by Viji Rajesh on 15 December 2009, Tuesday 10 35 AM IST.

Passing an office building one Sunday, a girl saw a sign that said, "Press bell for security guard."

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the guard clomping down the stairs. She watched him shut down the alarm system, put three different keys in three different locks, and finally open the door.

"Well," the security guard said to the girl, "what do you want?"

She looked at him curiously. "I just wondered why you couldn't ring it yourself."

Nothing but fun - Serious doctor

A doctor answered his phone late in the evening and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth player for poker," said his friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

"Where are you going at this hour?" demanded his wife as he was pulling on his coat.

"I'm sorry, honey," he replied, "but I have an emergency call."

"Is it serious?" his wife asked.

"Oh yes, very serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"

Life is Like that (Teacher Vs Educator)

shared by Viji Rajesh on 01 Jan 2010, Friday 10 AM IST

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

MORAL OF THIS STORY ….
There are teachers, and then, there are Educators !!

Software Testing! good one.. ;)

shared by Mavis Chitra on 26 Nov 2010, Friday 11 06 AM IST

Software Testing - A good read….not intended against any group as such, but still entertaining … read on … NO OFFENCES MEANT !!!!!!!

A university scholar, Mr. John Smith approaches his friend a software-testing guru telling him that he has a Bachelor in programming, and now would like to learn the software testing to complete his knowledge and to find a job as a software tester. After summing him up for a few minutes, the software-testing guru told him "I seriously doubt that you are ready to study software testing. It's the serious topic. If you wish however I am willing to examine you in logic, and if you pass the test I will help teach you software testing. "

The young man agrees.

Software testing guru holds up two fingers "Two men come down a chimney. One comes with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?

The young man stares at the software-testing guru. "Is that a test in Logic?" software testing guru nods.

"The one with the dirty face washes his face," He answers wearily.

"Wrong. The one with the clean face washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So; the one with the clean face washes his face."

"Very clever" Says Smith. "Give me another test"

The software-testing guru again holds up two fingers "Two men come down a chimney.One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?

"We have already established that. The one with the clean face washes his face"

"Wrong. Each one washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So; the one with the clean face washes his face. When the one with the dirty face sees the one with the clean face washing his face, he also washes his face. So each one washes his face"

"I didn't think of that!" Says Smith. " It's shocking to me that I could make an error in logic. Test me again!."

The software-testing guru holds up two fingers "Two men come down a chimney.One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?

"Each one washes his face"

"Wrong. Neither one washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. But when the one with clean face sees that the one with the dirty face doesn't wash his face, he also doesn't wash his face So neither one washes his face".

Smith is desperate. "I am qualified to study software testing. Please give me one more test"

He groans when the software-testing guru lifts his two fingers, "Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?

"Neither one washes his face"

"Wrong. Do you now see, John, why programming knowledge is an insufficient basis for studying the software testing? Tell me, how is it possible for two men to come down the same chimney, and for one to come out with a clean face and the other with a dirty face? Don’t you see?"

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